When is the right time?
After posting on Instagram about loosing a baby, I was genuinely shocked to see 89% of people who voted had lost at least one baby. I then started receiving tonnes of DMs with peoples personal experiences.
But what I want to talk about today is when is it the right time to share the news of your pregnancy.
When I was growing up it was very common for people to share their exciting news of expecting a new baby at 12 weeks. Doctors back then said that you were over most of the hurdles and it was fairly smooth sailing from then on. What may shock you is that a lot of our mums and grandmothers suffered in silence, and were encouraged by their doctors to fall pregnant straight away so that no one would notice.
But when I fell pregnant with my first born I felt very protective of her. I had already experienced a miscarriage and I chose to wait until 20 weeks to tell my friends and extended family. It was easy for me as I hadn’t “popped” and I was living overseas last the time.
When I was pregnant with my second, I again chose to not tell people until the 12 week mark as I didn’t know anyone who had ever announced it earlier. I felt more confident and couldn’t wait to tell everyone we were expecting another daughter. At 24 weeks I lost her. My world came crashing down on me but strangely, I immediately I wanted to announce her birth (and passing) on my Facebook. I didn’t know how anyone would react as I personally hadn’t seen anyone ever announce the loss of their baby on social media. Over the next 24 hours the most amazing messages poured in. Although my heart felt like it was in a million pieces, everyones messages of love and support made me feel like I could get through this, that I had the support of my village and that at some point I would be okay again.
Fast forward 2 years and after struggling to fall pregnant, I was finally pregnant again! I announced this pregnancy at 7 weeks when we had the first scan to say that there was in fact a baby with a heart beat in my belly. What shocked me were the very mixed responses I received with this announcement. I had countless private messages from friends stating that I was setting myself up to be hurt as I was still in the “danger zone” and what would I do if I lost the baby. What I realised is that I would rather my village around me if I did loose that baby than suffer quietly while all those I loved wonder why I was in a bad mood or not being myself. I would rather talk about the reality of pregnancy and loss than pretend that pregnancy is all sunshine and roses.
Just because this is how I choose to feel doesn’t mean it is right… there is no “right” and “wrong” way to feel. And there is no correct time to announce your pregnancy. What we do need to do is support those that choose to announce early and take the stigma away.
I hope this brings light to issues you may or may not have even thought about and I would love to encourage you to leave your thoughts on this topic and stories of loss below in the comments (you can always use a fake name and email). I believe we need to talk about all of this more openly to help other women.